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Don't banish the parts of yourself that you don't like




There is a book by Richard Schwartz, titled "Internal Family Systems"(also know as IFS) that I did a few years of research on in the past. I found it so helpful and healing in my life that I also attended workshops lead by leaders in the field. IFS work entails that there may have been trauma in your past that has lead to having unfavorable behaviors. For some, it is drug addiction or also addiction to drama, the list of addictions is endless. Perhaps there are some characteristics about yourself that you wish you did not have and wish they would go away. Have you ever thought "I wish my ____ would go away forever, I kind of hate it." or something similar to that. What that does is that it makes that "part" of you that you don't like, go into hiding because you don't like it and it is then afraid of you. You probably don't notice this as you go on with your day to day life but underneath, in your subconscious, it leaves you with a sense of shame. I believe that saying instead "Dear ____, I know you have been ____ (a certain type of way) for a long time but please know that I need you to transform into something else, this way that you affect me is detrimental and I know you would be happier doing something else, if you'd like" I know this might sounds totally weird as a way to speak to yourself but it is more than disliking yourself, self hatred rarely works to change one's life for the better. This is a technique that I use myself and it is a much more loving and nurturing way to speak to yourself. Your words create your reality. Wouldn't you want your entire being, your parts, to know that they are loved and safe to be with you? It is a really loving way to treat yourself.

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